あたまがいたい！

Boy has it been a long day. I never went to bed last night. By the time I was really ready to, it was already 6am. I knew if I wanted to not sleep through my midterm Id have to stay up, so I hopped in the shower for a nice revitalization and got dressed for the day.

I left my apt around 10 after making breakfast and cleaning a bit, and took my bike uphill across campus for a little over a mile. I was so tired from the lack of sleep it was embarrassing. I then picked up my ochem midterm, and didn’t do as well as I felt, leading me to not want to cram anymore for my computer midterm. I kinda just sat out on top of one of the buildings, trying to soak up some uv rays. Apparently sunlight is supposed to make you happier, fight depression, and the like. When I was sitting up there I saw tour groups walking around campus. It really was such a nice day to check out the school; sunny and semi-cool. It made me think back to when I was the person in the tour group, and then I thought of everything I have done since then, making me wish I could go back and change a lot of things. That really wasn’t what I wanted to be thinking about, regrets and the like never are fun and don’t make you feel good. I saw parents with their kids and I really missed my family at home. I wish I could talk to them about how I feel right now at school; but what with everything going on anymore it just never feels like the time or that it’s appropriate, or that they either would over react or not care--I’d rather just not.

So sitting on top of the building I remembered that I was near where I lived the previous year, where they have piano rooms that require a key, making them waay better quality then the ones close to my apartment. I felt the urge to screw thinking about school, and just go play some piano. I go and get a key, and walk into my small dark room with just a piano. I sit down and everything I played just sucked. I wasn’t in any mood to be good, my fingers wouldn’t move right. I didn’t have the feeling. So then I start just making gibberish, playing all the things im feeling--sadness, loneliness, exclusion, exertion. It came out to be a very lovely tune; very me, very now. I kept the basic melody and tried to perfect it with what I was feeling and the music in my head, getting it right on the keys. Over and over, so as not to forget. And then I remember, I have my camera. I pull it out and recorded the basic three part melody I could get in in the time. It’s not much, but it’s the beginning. I’m planning on perfecting this song. It would be my real 'first' composition. I have some little ditties and the like that my mom loves, her favorite, "flowers and lace". I swear I made that one when I was like 11, but she always insists, "Play it Manda. The flowers one-" And she'll start dancing, singing "Flowers, flowers, flowers and lace. What I will wear on my wed-ding day. Flowers, flowers, flowers and lace. Oh what a glo-ri-ous daay. More Manda! Mooore" hmm...

But anyways after an hour on the piano (which seemed like a mere 15 mins), I left and walked over to where my midterm would be. I sat outside, called my parents, talked about how my dad needs to "see some a's" and how I’ll be paying for tuition. It wasn’t really a fun conversation, but it’s still my parents and they wished me luck on my midterm. Walking into the classroom I sat down, waiting for the test. Not 45 mins later I turn it back in, not wanting to beat myself up about the ones I was iffy on . It was relatively easy-ish, but he subtracts points for answers that are wrong. So if you said T when its F is -1pt instead of just 0--it really takes your grade down fast. You have to be sure about your answers. I leave and call my dad reassuring him I did decent. Once I get to the bottom of the hill I realize that I had ridden my bike to class. I turn around, walk back up the hill to get my bike and ride it back home.

I found someone's id on the ground today too. I looked him up and emailed him that I found it. He seemed really happy and said he would pick it up later. "Thanks so much" (He says as I pass him his card). That felt good.

Now I’m really tired and I still have genetics hw that I haven’t looked at. She’s so tricky too. Maybe I’ll nap and wake up later tonight. Until tomorrow,



I didnt like my picture, but my eyes were so green (on building). The other is the morning fog

“Atama ga itai!” My head hurts!

~Yomi

"Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained during the struggle against overwhelming odds" --Orison Swett Mard

良いスタートを

So, this weekend I stayed in my apartment practically alone. Roommate went to Irvine, Erin went home, An na went to LA, Jen was out doing her party thing. It was kind of nice for once to just chill by myself. I didnt do much but stay and sleep and dream to my heart's desire. I had dreams about weddings, family feuds, wandering through the dark abyss, reality shows at theme parks, dancing on stage--a little bit of everything haha.


Also have been having alot of things on my mind, potienital future, bad stuff from past, etc. I have to remind myself that its not my fault, right? One of those things where theres no real fault to blame, theres bad people and bad stuff happens I guess. Who thought Id be this 'old' and yet have many years beyond my age under my belt?? I keep trying to focus on the now, but when youre alone you find the most inane things to dig up, think about, asses, worry...I want to stop doing that so Im going to try to make conscious decisions to give up worrying about everything and 'go with the flow'.


Oh, and the one girl I really like hanging out with asked me to live with her and a couple other girls I know (and definitely like the best) next year. Im pretty excited and hope everything works out because I really thought Id be one of those people on uloop/craigslist looking for some random person who needed a roommate. Getting an apartment also worries me because the going rate for living in a double is about 550 a month, and that just seems crazy to me. If I was rich and could afford a room of my own its about 1200..whaaat?? I feel this knot in my chest whenever I look at my bank account--I need some money, but I just cant sacrafice my time for a job right now. I know my parents are doing all they can and I just hate being a burden; we are all struggling here.


So far this week looks like its going to be pretty good. All my supplemental classes start up and Ill be full swing in the libraries, getting my stuff done. Oh and I get to go home this weekend : ). Ill land around 8.30 on Friday and leave at 7.55 on Tuesday morning. My first official non Thanksgiving/Xmas/Spring Break trip home.

To a good start

~A.Sky